Home Alone
by ditzie-blonde
Summary: Birthday Fanfic exchange. Prompt: "All the CIA training in the world couldn't prepare her for that first week at home with a newborn Stevie, nor did she have a mother to call for help. Henry had only been gone for an hour. He said he was coming back. She knew he was coming back. But she needed him back now"


_This is my submission for the Birthday Fanfic Exchange. My prompt was:_

 _ **"All the CIA training in the world couldn't prepare her for that first week at home with a newborn Stevie, nor did she have a mother to call for help. Henry had only been gone for an hour. He said he was coming back. She knew he was coming back. But she needed him back now"**_

 _Parts of this story might come across as a little gross/gory, but it's all natural stuff that happens to woman after having a baby so blame nature!_

* * *

"Babe?"

Elizabeth felt like she was floating on a cloud. She could hear her husband's voice from far away and she knew she should open her eyes, but she was way past exhaustion and far too comfortable in their bed to move, even if it was just opening her eyelids.

"Babe?"

This time she felt Henry touch her shoulder gently and reluctantly she slowly started to rouse herself from her state of unconsciousness.

"Elizabeth?"

A kiss to her forehead accompanied the gentle shake of her shoulder and she couldn't escape the disgruntled groan that escaped her throat as she snuggled further into the covers whilst her mind and body starting to wake up.

"Go 'way" she mumbled almost incoherently.

However, as her conscious mind became more alert she was overcome with panic and her eyes flew open as she jolted upright in bed, barely missing her husband's head in the process. She winced as she felt the tug of the stitches in her bruised nether regions.

"Stephanie!" she breathed fearfully.

"Shhh, she's fine" Henry soothed his wife as he tenderly stroked the hair back from her face as he perched next to her on their bed. "But my parents have just called to say they're leaving so they'll be here in a few hours. There's barely any food in the house and we're almost out of diapers so I've got to go to the grocery store."

"Oh" Elizabeth sighed in relief as she tried to calm her racing heart as her tired mind tried to comprehend what her husband had just said. She glanced at the clock and was surprised by the time the red digits displayed.

"It's 9am?" she asked in confusion.

"Yes"

"But Stephanie was due for a feed 2 hours ago?"

"She woke up at 7am but you were completely out of it, babe" Henry replied gently. "You just looked so exhausted and peaceful that I couldn't bring myself to wake you"

"I didn't wake up when she was crying?" Elizabeth asked in a distraught tone. She was Stephanie's mother, how could she not have woken up when her daughter was crying for her?

Henry's heart broke a little at the crestfallen look on his wife's face. "Hey, it's ok, babe. I fed her the breast milk you expressed earlier, I changed her diaper, and then we had some Daddy and daughter bonding time. Now she's sleeping peacefully in her bassinet, see" he replied as he leaned back so his wife could see their sleeping 10 day old daughter. A wave of love washed over him as he took in her delicate features and he marvelled at the creature Elizabeth and he had created. He couldn't believe how much his life had been changed in the week they had been home from the hospital, but one look at his daughter made the total upheaval of his life worthwhile. He was completely besotted with her.

"But I'm her Mum..." Elizabeth argued in a heartbroken tone.

"Hey, you're her Mum who grew her in your body for 9 months and then spent 27 hours pushing her out of it. It's ok that you caught up on some rest, babe. You've earned it." Henry comforted as he turned his attention back to his wife, sadness washing over him at the guilty expression he saw on her face as she stared at their daughter.

"Really, Elizabeth, it's fine. We had a great time. She fed, I burped, she cried when I changed her diaper, we snuggled, and then she fell asleep" he continued " Why don't you grab a shower whilst I'm out and by the time I get back it should be feeding time again and you can direct me on how to clean the house whilst you nurse" he continued with a teasing smile.

Elizabeth looked back at her husband and her heart skipped a beat at how genuine he looked. Despite the heavy bags under his eyes, the same bags she was sure her own eyes possessed, she could tell just how happy and contented he was to be a dad and how hard he was trying to cheer her up and reassure her that she was being a good mum - even if she had slept through her daughter crying. Now that he had mentioned it, a shower did sound good - she didn't think she'd washed her hair in at least 3 days and she shifted uncomfortably at the damp feeling of her soiled maternity pad and breast pads that she knew needed to be changed _again._

"Ok" she acquiesced hesitantly. The thought of getting to boss Henry around as he cleaned their bombsite of her house whilst she nursed did sound a little appealing too.

Henry leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his wife's forehead. "I'll be back in an hour" he said as he moved off the bed and headed for the stairs "Love you".

Alarm flooded through Elizabeth as reality set in "Wait!" she cried out.

"What?" Henry asked in a panicked tone as he returned to their room.

"You're leaving me on my own with her?" Elizabeth asked in a small, disbelieving tone. Since coming home from the hospital a week ago Henry had been by her side the entire time, and even with both of them there, looking after Stephanie had been tough. She'd just slept through her daughter crying for a feed, she wasn't ready to look after her on her own!

Henry smiled at his wife reassuringly "You'll be fine, you've got this" he replied encouragingly as he once again bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to his wife's forehead.

Elizabeth swallowed thickly as she looked at her precious, tiny, infant daughter and the worry she had been feeling ever since she'd held Stephanie for the first time threatened to consume her.

"Hey, it's going to be fine" Henry continued in a soothing tone as he took in his wife's overwhelmed expression as he tenderly caressed her neck . "She's only been out for 30 minutes, we should have at least 2 hours before she wakes up again. Have a shower and try and relax, you'll feel better"

"But..."

"Babe, the only food we have left in the house is tinned tuna and pickles. There's only one box of diapers left and you're almost out of pads, I have to go to the store and there's not enough time for you and Stephanie to get ready and for us all to go. I _have_ to go on my own" Henry replied seriously.

Elizabeth gulped in a lungful of air as she realised there really was no choice but for Henry to go to the store by himself. His family already disliked her, and despite having been with Henry for 7 years and married for 5, she still wanted her in-laws approval even after all this time. She wanted to make a good impression when they met Stephanie for the first time. She wanted Stephanie to have grandparents who loved and cherished her because they were they only grandparents she was going to have.

"Ok" she replied in an unsure voice. "Like you said, there isn't time for us all to get ready, especially as we also need to clean the house and get the guest room ready..."

Henry smiled at his wife "It will be fine, you'll see" he replied as he kissed her reverently before turning to leave the room again.

"Bye sweetheart" he whispered to his daughter as he caressed her head tenderly on the way out of the room.

Elizabeth's breath hitched and her heart filled with love as she watched her husband interact with their daughter. Henry was a natural with kids and was already an amazing father, she'd already nicknamed him the 'baby whisperer' as Stephanie seemed to settle down as soon as Henry picked her up. She, on the other hand, seemed to cause her daughter to cry every time she held her and she wondered if she'd ever be as good a mother as Henry was a father.

She was brought out of her reverie by the sound of the front door closing and she was almost overcome by the weight of responsibility that now rested on her shoulders. She was the only one in the house and she had to protect her daughter at all costs. She'd thought she'd known what love was when she fell in love with Henry, but ever since she held her daughter in her arms for the time she suddenly understood what love was. The connection she felt holding Stephanie in her arms and knowing that she and Henry had created her was beyond words. She knew she'd fight to the death to protect her daughter. The love she felt was all consuming and simultaneously seemed to fill her heart and break it all at the same time.

Taking a deep breath she got up from the bed and felt the uncomfortable sensation of wetness as she realised she'd filled her maternity pad. A shower was a necessity now she realised and she calculated she needed 15 minutes to have a shower and brush her teeth. Quickly she glanced at Stephanie and was relieved to see she was still sound asleep.

She was a trained CIA operative, if she could get herself out of warzones and undercover operations, she could look after her daughter by herself, right? It was just like running an Op...just with a 10 day old baby.

She could do this

Grabbing fresh underwear, a new maternity pad, and new breast pads, she dashed into the bathroom and quickly took care of the soiled pads before stripping down and getting into the shower. She had to admit the warm water felt nice against her tired aching body that still felt so alien to her even though she'd given birth 10 days ago. Understandably when she'd been pregnant her body hadn't felt like her own however, she assumed that once she'd given birth her body would feel like her own again. Oh how wrong she'd been! No one had told her about the cramps she would suffer after she had given birth as her uterus returned to its normal size - even now, 10 days later, her uterus was still extended and she looked like she was 4 months pregnant. No one had told her just how much stitches would tug or just how bruised her vagina would feel having given birth. No one had told her about the quantity or consistency of the fluid leaving her body after giving birth. And that wasn't even taken into account her breasts. Up until 10 days ago her breasts had been part of her femininity and had caused her great pleasure thanks to Henry's talented hands and mouth, now they had turned into a milk machine and were sore and tender all the time. Even now as she stood in the shower they were rock hard and leaking milk as she'd missed Stephanie's feed earlier, she knew she would have to pump as soon as she was out of the shower.

She wished her Mum was here.

The unbridled thought popped into her head causing a wave of pain to wash through her. Up until she'd fallen pregnant she hadn't really longed for her parents in a long time. Sure, she thought about them on the anniversary of their car accident and on their birthdays and holidays. It wasn't that she didn't miss or love her parents anymore, she did, it's just that 11 years had passed and she'd grown used to them not being around. Holidays and birthdays had passed by without them. They hadn't been at any of her graduations. She'd met the love on her life and got married without them being there. They hadn't been there when Henry and she had announced they were expecting. They would never meet Stephanie.

But ever since she'd fallen pregnant she'd been missing her mother terribly and the longing for her mum had only increased since Stephanie had been born. There had been so many times when she was pregnant and over the past 10 days that she had wanted to talk to her mother just to make sure what she was feeling was normal - there was only so many times she could call her doctor after all. It hadn't helped that Henry had been on deployment right up until a week before Stephanie was born or that she was the first one out of their friends to have a baby. Henry had been great and she couldn't have asked for a more kind, loving, and understanding husband, but she just missed having her warm, caring, reassuring, mother around and she hadn't felt comfortable asking her mother-in-law questions about pregnancy and birth. She still could not believe she'd had a baby. She had a daughter. She was a _mother_.

She had just finished rubbing soap all over her body and into her hair when she heard the first cry and panic flooded through her.

Stephanie!

Immediately her hand reached for the shower door, but she realised her hair was full of shampoo and she was still covered in soap. What was she supposed to do? Henry was out and she was all on her own and her daughter was crying! For several seconds she stood frozen in the shower completely overwhelmed by panic as she heard her daughter's screams intensify. Her baby needed her! Suddenly her logical brain kicked into action and she all but threw herself back under the stream of warm water as she frantically squeezed and rinsed the shampoo and soap out of her hair and off her body. Once done she threw back the shower door, grabbed a towel and quickly dried herself, before putting on her panties and all but running to the bassinet in her bedroom, ignoring the pain in her nether regions as she moved and the milk still leaking from her breasts. Her heart felt like it was being stabbed every time her daughter cried and the pain was almost unbearable. As she reached the bassinet she looked down to see the tiny, scrunched up red, face of her daughter and instinctively she reached to pick her up.

"Shhh, it's ok" she whispered as she held her daughter close to her chest. It was only then that she felt a warm, squishy sensation against her hand and the smell of poo hit her nostrils. Looking down into the bassinet her stomach turned as she saw the poo stains on the bedding, hesitantly she turned her head to her daughter and realised there was poo in her daughter's hair. Gently she placed her daughter in the bassinet and unswaddled her, only for her stomach to turn as she discovered that not only had her daughter had an explosive poo, but the poo her escaped the confines of the diaper, had moved along her daughter's back and up into her hair, her blanket, and then the bedding of her crib.

Once again panic washed over Elizabeth. What was she supposed to do? Henry and she had bathed Stephanie last night. She thought she'd read somewhere that she shouldn't bathe Stephanie more than 3 times a week, but she didn't need her Masters degree to realise that wet wipes were not going to get rid of the sticky mess. Was it ok to bathe her daughter again? Panic filled her mind and once again she felt crippled about what she should do. Why wouldn't her brain work?!

For the second time in less than 10 minutes she wished her mum was here.

Stephanie's screams intensified, along with the stabbing pain in Elizabeth's heart, and instinctively she hurriedly undressed her daughter.

"Shh, it's going to be ok. Mummy's here" she tried to soothe her tiny daughter who was now hysterical and rigid, as she simultaneously tried not to be sick as the smell hit her nostrils. She picked Stephanie up and held her close to her chest as she headed into the bathroom, but once there she was unsure how to proceed. Did she run her a bath? Could she just rinse her down in the shower? Was it ok just to hold her under the tap? The longing for her mother returned and she felt tears pool in her eyes, she had never felt so helpless and overwhelmed.

Realising that she wouldn't be able to lift the baby bath into the bath to fill it whilst holding Stephanie, and not being about to crouch down to the bath height due to her stitches so she could hold Stephanie under the bath tap, she shucked off her underwear and stepped into the shower for the second time that morning. She turned the shower on and cooled the temperature until it felt warm against her elbow, then stepped under the stream of water with her daughter. As the lukewarm water hit Stephanie her cries worsened and the helplessness Elizabeth felt intensified.

She wanted her mum.

She wanted Henry.

Elizabeth bit back a sob. "Please Stephanie. Please stop crying" she all but pleaded with her newborn daughter as she gently passed the flannel she had just been using over her daughter to rid her of the mess. Having wiped the poo off her daughter's body and out of her hair she cradled the wriggling infant against her shoulder and rocked her gently.

"Shhh Stephanie. It's all gone now. Shhh. Mummy's here, mummy loves you so much" she choked out in an effort to soothe her daughter to no avail.

She turned off the shower and exited the stall, only to find there was no baby towels in the bathroom. She could already feel the blood pooling between her legs and she knew she needed to get her underwear on quickly before she messed the bathroom floor. She frantically grabbed her towel and started drying both herself and Stephanie awkwardly. Getting the worst of the water off herself and Stephanie, she quickly pulled on her damp underwear and frantically headed into the nursery where all of Stephanie's belongings were. She gently placed her screaming daughter on the changing table before turning and grabbing a baby towel. She cooed at her daughter as she finished drying off Stephanie, before moisturising her, putting on a clean diaper, and dressing her in one of the outfits Henry's parents had given her as a gift at her baby shower. Then she swaddled her daughter in a new blanket before picking her up and starting to walk around the nursery, jiggling Stephanie as she move in an effort to soothe her daughter.

"Shhh Stephanie. You're ok. You're all clean now. Please calm down." she pleaded with her daughter. "Mummy loves you so much and she really wants you to be happy".

Despite all the books she read she felt completely unprepared for motherhood. After 18 hours of labour she'd eventually given in and had an epidural so she could get some rest. Things had been progressing, just slowly, and she was exhausted. Consequently she had spent 3 days in the hospital before being released and the past 7 days Henry had been with her and had been taking care of both Stephanie and she. Nothing had prepared her for the sheer exhaustion of motherhood. She'd thought she was prepared for the exhaustion, after all she'd worked in the field as a CIA operative and had gone many hours without sleep, many days without sleeping in a bed. But what she hadn't taken into account was how exhausting childbirth would be and that she wouldn't be able to crash and burn for 12 hours like she had when she'd returned from the field. The 2 nights she spent in the hospital with Stephanie she'd barely slept, so enthralled was she by her daughter that she hadn't wanted to close her eyes for a second.

"What's the matter Stephanie?" she asked her daughter earnestly as she shifted her in her arms so she could see her face. Instinctively Stephanie moved her head towards her mother's breast and confusion reigned over Elizabeth. "You're hungry, is that it?"

Henry said he'd fed Stephanie just before he left so she shouldn't need feeding for at least another 1.5 hours, but with no other option and with her breasts full and already leaking thanks to the skipped feed earlier, she settled in the nursery rocking chair and attempted to breastfeed her daughter. Almost immediately Stephanie latched on and the only noises that filled the nursery were that of her daughter feeding. She tried not to wince as Stephanie sucked on her nipple. She knew babies needed feeding every 1-4 hours, what she didn't know was that was every 1-4 hours from the _start_ of the feed. Sometimes she felt like Stephanie was attached to her body for hours at a time and her life was passing her by as she sat and watched whilst she fed her daughter. Breastfeeding was tough and she was unprepared for how sore her nipples would be... or for how much her breasts would leak...or for the tenderness and pain when they became too full. She'd pretty much taken to walking around the house topless when they were home alone as even a loose tee-shirt was uncomfortable to wear, let alone her nursing bras. Not that Henry minded, because somehow even in this post birth disgusting state, he still found her attractive.

A little over a minute after Stephanie had latched on, her tiny features screwed themselves up and she turned her head away from her mother's breast and started crying again.

Once again panic and helpless ran through Elizabeth. She didn't know what to do.

"Henry where are you?" she whispered into the empty house.

She knew Henry was only going to be gone for an hour, but she needed the 'baby whisperer' here now. She placed Stephanie against her shoulder and started rocking in the chair to soothe her. She was at her wit's end and she felt tears roll down her cheeks. Gosh, what was happening to her? She was a CIA analyst for goodness sake! She'd run operations in Kosovo and the Middle East. She'd interrogated and negotiated with war criminals and terrorist. She should be able to handle looking after her 10 day old daughter! Yet here she was crying her eyes out as her daughter cried against her shoulder. She felt like such a failure. She didn't know how long she was sat there rocking her daughter unsuccessful in soothing her, but she was brought out of her self-loathing reverie by the sound of her husband's voice.

"Elizabeth?"

"Henry!" she sobbed in relief as she looked up her husband pleadingly as he stood in the doorway. He was finally here!

Henry took in the sight of his distraught wife sat in nothing by her panties, her hair dripping wet, as she tried to soothe their hysterical daughter. He brow creased in consternation and concern washed over him. "Elizabeth, what happened?" he asked as he moved to crouch in front of his wife and carefully manoeuvred his daughter into his arms.

"Shh, Stephanie. Daddy's here" he cooed as he stared into the blue eyes of his daughter. Almost immediately Stephanie's cries died to a whimper, which only caused Elizabeth to cry harder.

"She hates me!" she exclaimed.

Henry looked into the watery eyes of his wife in shock. "She doesn't hate you" he assured.

"Yes she does! She only cries when I hold her! As soon as she's with you she's all cute and cuddly, but with me she just cries!" Elizabeth sobbed.

"Elizabeth, tell me what happened" he pushed wanting to know what had caused his wife such distress.

Elizabeth looked into the kind, concerned, eyes of her husband and couldn't help the sob that escaped. "I tried to take that shower like you said, but after a few minutes Stephanie started crying. I got out of the shower as soon as I could, I really did, but I had shampoo in my hair and soap all over me that I needed to wash off first. When I got to the crib she'd poo'd everywhere Henry! It was all up her back and in her hair! It's still in her bedding as I haven't had time to change it. I didn't know what to do! And you weren't here! I eventually just got in the shower with her to clean her off and then came in here to dress her. But she won't stop crying! I tried feeding her but she didn't want to. I tried walking with her, but it didn't help. I've tried rocking her, but it didn't work. Nothing helps! She hates me! I want... I want..."

"What do you want?" Henry asked kindly, concerned by his hysterical wife. He had never seen her so upset or so irrational and he hoped her despair was just her hormones trying to sort themselves out.

"I want my mum!" she sobbed, finally admitting the one thing she had been desperate for over the past 9 months.

Compassion washed over Henry at his wife's admission, he'd never lost a parent and could only imagine how Elizabeth felt. He'd had a feeling that something had been up with his wife since she'd found out she was pregnant, although she'd not said anything outright. There was only so much he could do as a husband and he'd not been around for most of Elizabeth's pregnancy as he'd been on active duty - he planned to make that up to her, and Stephanie, now that he was on annual leave.

"Oh babe" he breathed as he placed a now calm Stephanie in her crib and came to kneel in front of his wife again, pulling her into a gentle hug as he did so.

"I miss them, Henry! I wish my mum was here so she could tell me if all this is normal. I want to know if it's right that my body still feels foreign to me? I want to ask her if breast feeding was this hard for her. I want to know if Stephanie is anything like I was as a baby. Did I cry every time my mum held me? Did I prefer my dad?" she sobbed into her husband's chest.

"I know babe" he soothed as he held her close. He had no idea when he left an hour ago that this hour would turn out to be one of the worst hours since Stephanie had been born. He felt so helpless, he'd never met her parents, but he knew that if Elizabeth was their daughter they must have been pretty amazing people. "But do you know what I think? I think they would be so proud of how good a mother you are..."

"No I'm not!" Elizabeth interrupted.

Henry gently pulled his wife's head away from his chest so he could look into her eyes earnestly "Are you kidding me Elizabeth? You've been doing great! You've fed her and bathed her and soothed her when she'd been upset. You've changed her diapers and clothes, washed her blankets and bedding. You've just managed to deal with what sounds like the poo situation from hell all by yourself. She's lucky to have you as a mum".

"Really?" Elizabeth asked timidly.

"Really" Henry replied genuinely with a reassuring smile.

"Even though I slept through her crying and missed her feed and couldn't soothe her earlier?" Elizabeth sniffed as she looked away from her husband in shame.

"Hey..." Henry commanded softly as he made sure to catch Elizabeth's eyes again before he responded. "Elizabeth, I'm in awe of you. What you've done, what you've given me...I can never thank you enough. I'm so proud of you and I love you so much. I know your parents would be so proud of you too, how could they not be?" he continued in a choked, serious, voice.

"Henry..." she breathed lovingly, his words causing her heart to skip a beat and for her to fall in love with her husband all over again. Fresh tears rimmed her eyes as she leaned forward and placed a tender, reverent kiss on his lips. "I love you too, so, so much. You know that, right? You're such an amazing father and I'm in awe of you too. You're so good with her Henry, she's so lucky to have you as a father"

"Yeah?" he asked, a hint of insecurity in his tone.

"Definitely" she replied with conviction which caused a pleased, bashful smile to light up Henry's features.

"And can I just say, I have a whole new appreciation for your breasts. How they produce milk and how you feed Stephanie, it's amazing, babe" Henry continued in a serious tone.

"Henry!" Elizabeth exclaimed as she lightly swatted his chest with her hand, slightly horrified and embarrassed at his words.

"What? It's true! You're amazing babe. What your body has done in making her, delivering her, and feeding her, God, it's just awe inspiring. I love you so much, you've given me the best gift".

"You think so?" Elizabeth queried in an unsure tone.

"Uh-huh. It's just been a bad hour, babe. I've seen how you two look into each other's eyes, you're besotted with each other. See" he said as he reached into the pocket of his jeans and retrieved his wallet, showing his wife a picture of her and Stephanie staring adoringly at each other in hospital the day after she was born.

"She does look pretty darn cute when she's not crying" Elizabeth sniffed.

"Just like her mother" he agreed.

Elizabeth eyed her husband with rueful expression "You're good, Captain McCord" Elizabeth replied with a small smile.

"How about you go and get dressed whilst I sort out the bassinet and groceries?"

"What about Stephanie?" she asked worriedly as she looked over at her now calm daughter who was staring in their direction. She knew babies couldn't see more than a foot in front of them, but at that moment she could have sworn her daughter was staring at them in comprehension.

"Well, she needs to try out her new crib some time, we can start with a few minutes now whilst we get ourselves sorted out. She seems happy enough."

"Ok" she agreed hesitantly as she let Henry pull her out of the rocking chair to her feet.

She headed towards the door pulling Henry along with her when she felt him tug on her hand causing her to turn and face him.

"Elizabeth, I will always show up for you" he told her seriously as he remembered her previous statement about him not being there. "You know that, right?"

"Henry..." she breathed before the sound of her daughter breaking wind caught her attention.

Both new parents turned to look at their daughter fearfully. They watched as their daughter's face screwed up and she emitted a piercing cry. Henry and Elizabeth waited with baited breath as Stephanie turned her head revealing a brown patch in her hair...

* * *

 _So, I'm dedicating this story to my friend's daughter, little Miss KK, who did do the poo thing the first time I met her! Her parents had to wash her down in the kitchen sink to clean her up lol._

 _I'm also dedicating this story to my boss' wife who's just had a baby. The whole leaking breast milk/breast appreciation thing comes from him and his wife does walk around their home topless as her breasts are too sore at the moment to wear clothes!_


End file.
